19th
July 31, 2024 Today would have been (I wonder if in some metaphysical way it still is), our 19th wedding anniversary. From my memories, our honeymoon in Italy, we're in the hills of Italy at an ancient winery. Still really getting to know each other and how to be a couple. We are totally enamored with our love and sitting under a fig tree which literally the figs were so ripe they were dropping all around us. Love rich, fertile, and luscious. Our honeymoon with figs dropping from the trees. Another image plays in my head: a modern theory on grief, the Tonkin's model. It is often animated so beautifully with layers of colors building around a large dark hole. I know that hole. I physically feel it in my heart. In this model grief doesn’t grow smaller, instead our life experiences grow around it. I can say that’s true and that grief, love changes with time. In some ways I love and miss Jim more now as I live a life without his day to day magic. Love as grief, as eternal. Time doe
