What a glorious day! I think back to five years ago when even a day like this would only make me grieve harder. That year, the corn I always planted for Jim ripened but he was no longer here to enjoy it. I hadn’t planted corn again until this Spring, expanding my gardens again. Four Springs ago I didn’t plant a garden I couldn’t see the point, Tegan insisted and did it for me.
 |
| His love. The last photo of us taken by Ray, July 2020 |
Five years ago today I entered my hardest season of memories: Jim’s favorite holidays, when he first jumped over everyone to sit by my side, the season he courted me and asked me to marry, his birthday, Valentine’s, but also the season he was diagnosed with cancer and started chemo and the season he entered hospice…so many ghosts await me heading into stick season but…today on this glorious day I cleaned up those gardens and planted a winter cover crop and started a winter greenhouse as an experiment.
 |
| Me and my gardens today |
In these five years, I’ve faced grief and huge challenges. I’ve learned to ride those waves. I’m a different person today and now have learned that grief, like leaves and vegetables turned into the the proper environment create compost and can nurture life. I’m grateful to the astounding love Jim and I have for each other. I’m grateful to this beautiful place I live in and my opportunity to care for this bit of our planet and her creatures. I’m grateful I can once again be a good friend and neighbor, a loving sister, and that I can continue my work in education now serving the hardest hit as a Guardian Ad Litem.
 |
| The new garden experiment in the backyard. |
 |
| This year's surprise: bobcat kittens in the backyard down the hill. |
And I’m grateful to each of you who have held me up and to this beautiful life that sustains me, to my love of gardening, and to God and to those I’ve loved and lost who cheer me on from another place.
I’m ready. I’m thankful for this life.
 |
| To once again have dreams... |
Comments
Post a Comment