Wednesday, April 17, 2013

My Father's Daughter.

Last on my answering machine were wishes for my travel to China,
Coherent, concerned, worried,
His first borne in an unknown, a world away.

My days open, a world parted. Miso soup and dumplings for breakfast, smog confuses my lungs. A generation of people reminiscent of my grandparents — hardworking, moralistic, concerned.

I pick up an email:
"Are you home yet?"

A series of texts:
"No emergency...a tough day we can talk when u get back."
"Im driving him to my house right now."
"His blood sugar is really high."
"Dr B is adjusting his meds."
"He is tired and confused today. Up most of the night and confused again. "T" stayed the night with him. Im at the house now."

I see Japan light up like LEDs on a globe, perfect silhouettes, a LightBrite wonderment, and I ponder where is the space for the solitude of the forest? Then a blazing arctic sun too brilliant for my eyes, I close the plastic door and attempt sleep. In a jet crading hundreds, the young man before me does not. He is enraptured by James Bond chasing the Shanghai night...and I watch imagining new endings.

I am traveling backwards in time, regaining lost hours, but can not move.

I tell him, "Do not worry, I will remember for you. Yes this is your buckle, here is the door, yes sit, yes drink this, yes now you sleep."

"Dad what are you thinking about?" I will catch you, I will remember.
"Here is the key. This is a door. This is the hall. Follow the arrows. This is the phone."

You forecasted the future, gave name to its field,
you saw a waterless world, and moved icebergs,
captured our memories, envisioned a 4D future,
always an insight ahead—giving me its key.
"Dad, what are you thinking worries, today is Thursday. No not yet 2018, the 8 looks 9, but 3."

I will catch you, I will remember.
A last trip home to collect the photos, our memories, your years.

But where did I put them? I must remember. I must catch them...
At the intersection, from my car's roof, they slide, crashing into the crowded highway...a frantic appeal.
I must remember. I must catch you. I must remember. I must catch you.

His first borne in an unknown, a world away.

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