People keep asking me...

"People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I’m not always sure how to answer that. It depends on the day. It depends on the minute. Right this moment, I’m OK. Yesterday, not so good. Tomorrow, we’ll see.
Here is what I have learned about Grief, though.
I have learned that Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own schedule. Grief does not obey your plans, or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love." 

—Elizabeth Gilbert, "...on Love, Loss, and How to Move Through Grief as Grief Moves Through You"

I keep asking myself how I am doing..."Right this moment, I’m OK. Yesterday, not so good. Tomorrow, we’ll see." This time in my life seems all at once to give me clarity and to obscure it. At a time that I have let go of many of the structures and responsibilities that have defined me, I find that I am both confused and yet doing what seems truest. Breathing, holding on to now, reaching out, and giving in return. The boundaries have shrunk inward to those I love, those in need, and those I need.

But they have also expanded outward. I am writing, I am reading, I am creating beautiful environments, and I am searching for the meanings of time, existence, God, and joy. I am standing still and yet I am continually in motion.

I find myself in the space of art. Art is the unknown and the revealing. Art is the flowing of the moment and the capture of forever. Art is propaganda and revolution. Art is pain and comfort. It is anger and meditation. Art is grief and it is love. Art is the darkness and it is the light. It is the flying and the fallen and the being at peace.

I ask myself what am I doing, what should I do, what will I do?

And Art replies, "You are being a fallow field after a long harvest. Take in the fallen leaves, the summer's past flowers, the odd remaining garden spoils. Welcome the microorganisms, the worms, the small creatures. Bury deep the seeds and roots. Find rest. Then reach out and hold the rain, the snow, and the sun. And when you find yourself well rested, and brimming to overflow, blossom."