Relentless Insistence

Honey,

My grief is so profoundly and painfully deep since losing you. Though we both knew this was coming, and I’ve been mourning and preparing for your loss since the first time the oncologist told us “stage 4”, I am shocked and struggle to stand under its relentlessness insistence. I am struck down through my days and nights. Unable to find the joy that once glowed as warmly as our wedding bands. You knew I would grieve, you didn't want my to cry and throughout those two and a half years of cancer, daily I tried my best, as you did yourself, to "be in the moment", to appreciate every second we had. But now?

I’m learning that love has a cycle and when one is the one who is left behind, mourning as deeply as that love is, is part of that love. And yet, despite this overwhelming pain, I will never regret having loved you and having been loved by you. I am so grateful to you, to have been the recipient of your deepest love and to have been given the gift of loving you in return. Our love spread out like a halo and allowed us to touch so many others with it.

My hope is to regain my footing, to find myself, and to carry your love forward, to carry you forward and all the joy and strength you have given me.