Particularly Difficult

Honey,

I hate to bother you with all that has been happening here on Earth but it has been difficult. There are only a few things keeping me together—Tegan, your belief and love of me, the pups, Pat, Em, Satori, and Enzo, and my beloved friends and siblings.

Anyway, the basic outline is that layered around my deep despair, grief, and exhaustion on losing you, the house is falling apart and folks are challenging our love. So hard. I've been so anxious just with you dying, these things layered on top muddy everything, push your soul away. But please do not worry, I have only to look at the things we've written to each other, our videos, our photos to be set straight. But why must I have to?

As for the house, luckily you and I have many friends and they are coming to my aid (you need to thank them honey), top of the list Carolyn and Cal, Andy and Robin, Lisa and Jeff, Dave and Di, Wendi and Brian. Then add in those without the expertise who literally help me keep one step in front of the other - Judy, Cathy, Liz, Kelly, Mary, Tegan, Em, Pat, et al. And then the passions–BREAKAWAY, our forest/nature, and learning.

We will be alright but this is so painful, twisting knife on top of twisting knife.

I am grateful though that while you were ill, while you were dying, your last thoughts were not spent on these difficulties. You could focus on the cocoon you needed to enter to become the butterfly. And I know that wherever you may be, you'll be guiding me.

Tonight to find my center, I've been listening to a collection that had soothed me throughout this cancer journey always giving me hope. Do you remember how we watched his concert in the Cathedral in Milano during Covid? Tonight honey I send this to you—for when we meet again.

I love you, as we promised, forever plus 70.